Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
