My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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