i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize