What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
