just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize