Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
