next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
