hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
