And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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