I can text with my tongue
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
