he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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