i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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