Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
sarcasm needs its own font
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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