Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Couch. On fire.
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