Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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