You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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