is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
