the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
