so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
