At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
