i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
