The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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