Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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