guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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