My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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