You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
