i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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