we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
