dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
