i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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