i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
