There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize