I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
