You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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