Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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