i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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