ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize