I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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