okay pat passed out under dana's car
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
