insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
