"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
