btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
