Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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