he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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