The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
