You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
