Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
