My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
