i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
