life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
