you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
