Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize