Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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