I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
MIDGETS
????
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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