Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
