Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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