dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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