Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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