mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize