Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
