I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
