I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize