please come you make the beer taste better
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
