Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
