Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Congratulations! We have a period
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