seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
