somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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