No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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