He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
