I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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