STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize