At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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