If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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