no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
