i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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