talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
