I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
wow bdsm is so cute
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
