he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
