We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I deserve this hangover.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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