he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
