You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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