i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
