She's JV to your varsity
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
