It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
