so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
