Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
