Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
