I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
