as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
