I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
