Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
