C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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