So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
