some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
