how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
