We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
