I'm really into asian looking animals
and you said cock pushups were impossible
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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