there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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