I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize