whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
