it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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