look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
