So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
