We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
