Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize