No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
