you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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