I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
