i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
