Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
