i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
