made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
